PRETTY AMARA KANU NWANKWO'S WIFE SHARES HER MARRIAGE EXPERIENCES.

Super Eagles’ Nwankwo Kanu’s wife, Amara talks about marriage, motherhood and her other interests in a new interview with Punch Spice, read below;

You got married to one of Nigeria’s star players at 18. How were you able to keep the family and home together at the time?
Marriage is a growth process and I learn on a daily basis. I got married as a teenager. I was young. I think I jumped into the deep end and I simply went with it. It takes a lot of determination to keep things going because irrespective of your age, marriage throws a lot of curves at you. The main thing is being able to bounce back after being hit with a surprise or what you do not expect.
Did you harbour any doubts about your marriage?
I wasn’t scared; I felt it like it was the best thing that could have happened to me. I was in love, so there was no time for a negative feeling like fear to come up. I think the love I had and still have for my husband was all I needed to feel comfortable and good.
How did you adjust to being married to a popular personality?

When I was getting married, I was not ready to be thrust into the limelight. I didn’t even know what I was getting into. I wasn’t a football fan and I knew nothing about the Premiership. I didn’t know I was getting married into that level of limelight as I was young, vibrant and in love. I am now a football fan.
Have you lost your privacy?
If you notice, this interview is one of the very few I have granted in recent times. I try to keep my sanity, so that I can protect my family. I had to make a personal decision to stay private for a very long time in order to build what I have built for myself and my children. I understood this from a very young age.
Would you want your daughter to emulate by getting married at a young age?
Having gone through it myself, I wouldn’t say I would like her to do the same. I would like her to experience life slightly a bit more than I did. But it all depends on the circumstances and the persons involved. I had support from my mum, dad and siblings. In hindsight, I can say that they actually did a good job. In June, we would celebrate the 12th anniversary of our wedding.

How did you handle criticism at that time?

I ignored critics and paid no attention to what people said. I overlooked Facebook and I only signed on to the platform in July 2011. That was shortly after I earned a degree in Architecture.

If you could do anything differently in terms of marriage and certain decisions you have made over the years, what would it be?
I don’t think I would want to do it differently. I think getting married early is my competitive advantage.I learnt real life and management skills in marriage. Even though I’m currently studying for an MBA, it can’t beat the real life experiences. I won’t change anything because it all worked for me.
While he still played active football, how did you deal with the risks associated with his job?
When I began to understand what it meant to lose a game, I had to learn to cheer him up. I also had to learn really fast that every game had a consequence, a price and a goal at the end of the day.

How would you describe motherhood?
Motherhood is the best thing that has ever happened to me. In terms of motherhood, women empowerment and business sense, Beyonce inspires me. My children will always be my priority and I give God the most gratitude for blessing me with children. If I invest my time in them, they will give me more value at the end of the day.

How would you describe your husband?

He is a kind man and he has a big heart. He is also very sensitive and intelligent. He shows me compassion through his actions and he doesn’t say too much.

SEX EDUCATION,A must in every home.

                                

SEX EDUCATION:
This is a very delicate subject matter in every families around the world. Many foolishly allow schools to teach this delicate subject to children. This a grevious mistake which is repeated daily in the name of being trendy. Please protest at your child's school and make them stop the folly. You as a parent is the only person to teach your child about this secret.

Sex education is the formal introduction/education given to a teenager/s or a child approaching puberty stage about sex.

Most parents shy away this teaching in their homes, maybe for some reasons,mostly a wrong impression or interpretation of this subject matter.
Most of the time it could be as a result of their religious beliefs and ideologies.
But what ever be the case, the fact remains that a growing child needs proper education on sex and issues that emanates from it both the negative and positive issues.

An extremely important matter in the growing love life of a child is the proper attitude towards sex.
Majority will grow up,choose a mate and have a fulfilled marriage but this depends on a sensible sex education in home.
On the other hand, growing up in homes where there are condemnation, disgusting or even embarrassing looks when the child asks the normal  questions about sex ,sexual organs in the body and life's beginnings, as if it were something terribly unclean and sinful tends to make it a personality problem. Curiosity becomes the outcome and the child will seek information elsewhere.

A child however needs to feel secure. Without security he is cheated, and a cheated child is a future delinquent. Parents who really love one another and avoid harshness naturally provides the best background for the child's security.
A nagging and domineering mother will stunt the growth of a child's life while the proud, arrogant and Caeser-like father who rules his home with dictatorial edicts will set a pattern for his child's later love life. That's why people often become like those whom they live and associate with.

Certain misinterpretation about the names of the sexual organs should be avoided. A male child once tried to inquire about what a penis is. The parents instead of telling him the truth told the poor child that it is simply an umbrella. There came a visitor in their house on a rainy day who tried to enter their house with his water-drizzling umbrella, the poor boy screamed at him saying "keep your penis outside"! You can imagine the embarrassing looks on the faces of both the parents of the boy and the visitor.
Here, such parent is expected to tell the boy the truth and advice him to be discrete about using the name.

Parents should bear in mind the importance of sex education in the lives of their teenagers and not allow them to go searching for it elsewhere or even practicalise it to the detriment of themselves.
They should device a careful and effective way of impacting this knowledge because of the nature of it's sensitivity.
When treated wrongly can damage the love life of the child. But when treated well can be a lifetime testimony.

Franca Igwilo.

WHAT VIRGINS SHOULD KNOW. An advice for virgins.

WHAT VIRGINS SHOULD KNOW:
Virginity is the state of being without a canal knowledge of the opposite sex. Or simply put, one who has not been defiled sexually.
Virgins in the sight of God are pure and remains pure even after their marriages have been consummated on the wedding night.
We have seen so many virgins amongst the saints like: The Blessed Virgin Mary the mother of God the son (Jesus Christ), St.Philomena, st.Perpetual and Felicitas, St.Rose of Lima. To mention but a few.
However, there are still so many virgins living amongst us inspite of the height of sexual immorality in the world today.Though they may be in the minority.
According to some Catholic writers,virgins are so much endowed by God with many privileges after death and are identified with a cord around their waists which signifies purity.
Virginity is very necessary and should be encouraged among the one younger generations in the sence that it pleases God and also the best gift one can give to a spouse on the wedding night.

All virgins should bear this in mind when embarking on the marriage journey: Firstly,The behavioural aspect of an individual.A man who is a beast remains a beast despite your virginity. He may appreciate that fact and as a matter of fact you have gained such a level of trust from him but he will still exhibit his beastly nature maybe in the future except by the grace of God through prayers and good works.

Secondly, as a woman you don't expect your man to dance to your tune simply because he deflowered you. No! But he may have done that initially when the marriage was still very young and love was at it's peak but as time goes on his true character will begin to unravel. Some men and women may just decide to be themselves but because the other partner was so blinded by love or just being eager to marry with the intention of "when we get to that bridge we will know how to cross it" and it becomes a problem in later days.

Thirdly, Some men/women does not or will not condone certain bad behaviour of a partner simply because of his/her virginity.
Infact most of the troubled marriages i have worked on was as a result of this.
A woman once exclaimed "yes,i know I'm not perfect but he should just bear it, after all i reserved my body for him so he should remain thankful to me rather than complaining about my little misbehavior." No doubt, you did well! But you need to change certain rude behaviors. Obviously the husband had been complaining about her bad attitudes but she chose to remain that way because of some stupid impression of being a virgin.
Finally, on the issue of sexual intercourse, certain impressions like seing a partner who always demand for sex as being a"dog",or a whore"should be discoursged. The fact that a partner always demand for sex does not make him/her sinful. It is simply an expression of love and the level of attractiveness to the other partner.
Also when the non-virgin partner demands certain position or "style" from the partner should not get an embarrassing look or expression from the virgin partner.

Virgins should try and make their marriage work by removing all sentiments about being virgin.
Being a virgin is a very good thing and should be encouraged but when insensitivity, overemphasis and childishness are applied becomes dangerous in marriage.
Some group believes that" virgins make the worst marriages" though i disagree with such school of thought because its a thing of the mind. It depends on how you are able to manage your emotions.
The non-virgin spouses should on their part appreciate their virgin spouses and apply tactics when correcting some unruly behaviors of their partner.

Franca Igwilo.

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THINGS MEN SHOULD NOT DO TO THEIR WIVES.

   

   

THINGS MEN SHOULD NOT DO TO THEIR WIVES:
 -Never butt into the management of the kitchen.
 -Never say her hat is crazy. Praise her for unusual headgear.
 - Don't complain about the junk in her purse. Think about your own pockets.
 -Don't keep telling her to"step on it"when she is trying to do her nails.
  -Don't forget her birthday or the anniversaries.
 -Never pass remark about her girl friends. It will make her jealous and suspicious.
 -Don't stay at a party when she is uncomfortable or bored.
 -Never cease to compliment her beauty and efficiency from time to time. It works wonders.
 -Never cease to express your love for her.
 -Never deny her sex. It breaks her heart ,remember your vow to respect and honour her with your body so always give it to her wonderfully and satisfactorily.
 -Never fail to give her attention. Always turn it on especially when in public. Help her off with her coat, stand behind her chair until she is seated. Order for her and always look interested in whatever she is telling you. Just remember that women love attention so pour it on.

Franca Igwilo.

DADS YOU ARE NEEDED!

DADS YOU ARE NEEDED!
The family or the world generally need dads to hold back the children especially at that critical stage of life the "adolescence"stage.
They are mostly needed in such areas like: in holding the children specifically the girls from dating too young and also when it comes to decencies including the people they associate with.
Most of them normally may want to get started while still in the grade school. However, firm dads should make a rule in the house that no one of them would have an official dates until they are atleast 16-18years of age.
Wives on their own part should be sensible enough to know that as parents they should be a team pulling together and not giving in to the children.

Cultured and refined women reflects the training of a good home. Parents of such women must have instilled in them the desire to be feminine and dignified. You will hear such girls say "My Dad will not allow me to wear cloths that are too tight". Such dads are not the stupid men that many TV programs and comic strips portray.
The girl child needs to be protected and contained so as not to end up in some kind of youthful disasters .
N:B see some youthful disasters in my previous post.

We need men who are God fearing, patient, unselfish and good humoured with the awareness of needs of the family.
Men whose duties are not only to bring home pay checks but also to be responsible minded leader, a sharer in the character formation of the children.

Having successfully instilled good morals in these children they will forever be grateful in later days.

Franca Igwilo.

WAYS OF ACHIEVING INTIMACY IN MARRIAGE.

INTIMACY IN MARRIAGE:
There are so many ways of achieving intimacy in marriage.
These are the major ways of achieving it.
By Communication: it brings about intimacy in marriage and this includes sharing ideas and interests, your experiences and how you spent the day in your various places of work, how you feel/felt at a particular time or even how hectic your day was. It can also be ordinary jisting.
Couples that are in the habit of jisting tends to be very close to each other and as such become best of friends. They won't be having issues and if at all they do they quickly resolve it because nobody wants to miss the jist/joke of the day.

Praying together: This is very necessary and most efficacious way of achieving intimacy in marriage. Considering the fact that the caliph that prays together stays together and by staying together makes the couple to become fond of each other.
The prayer must not be too long, it could be a short simple one said with one mind and in agreement.
Notably, a prayer said with one mind especially by a couple can pull down a mountain that a group of prayer warriors could not pull down.
More importantly, a couple when praying should maintain body contacts,by so doing it will make them to start thinking alike.That's why you see in some couples the man may be going home and decides to get a gift for the wife and the wife on the other hand had thought of acquiring such but because of one thing or the other decided not to announce it.This is a clear case of body contacts. It makes the couple to always think the same direction.

Regular intercourse: In sexual intercourse the two people involved are giving themselves to each other. They are being united both body and soul. Clearly, people do not understand that there is a mystery  beyond human understanding that is behind intercourse. That is the best gift man and wife gives to each other. It is the gift of one's self and also a covenant that is being renewed each time they have intercourse.
Take for instance at the last supper when Christ gave his apostles his body and blood to eat and drink and urged them to always do it in his memory, its a way of uniting with them, a covenant.
Couples are also adviced to discuss sex after the action or at their leisure.This can be done jokingly for it is through jokes that they may be able to express their feelings about sex without being shy. It could be about how this person screamed or how the other person moaned in pleasure or even what each of them said during the action. You just laugh about it all. It adds flavour to sex. It gives them the opportunity to express how they love it or how they want it.

Bathing together: This gives the couples room to admire each other at the bath. Simple acts like scrubbing of backs enliving the couple and release positive energy that is good for the overall happiness in the home.

Eating together: This is very necessary to achieve intimacy. In this case feeding each other while at table is ideal. This will make each of them feel loved. A woman once asked "how can i do that in the presence of my children?" Yes you can! Infact it's even more adviceable to do that in their presence because you are not only teaching them how to love you are also making them to feel safe and assured that mom and Dad are in love and therefore cannot fight.Some of them Will sound like my three year old daughter that will always ask me"mom are you a baby, or daddy are you a baby that you always feed each other"?Funny! Isn't that? I will simply reply"yes i am daddy's baby"or yes daddy is my first baby",and we will all laugh.


SLEEPING TOGETHER: This is very important. It does same as body contact.
Couples should not have  separate rooms no matter how big the house may be.
Couples that have separate rooms tends to have prolonged quarrels. Women are fond of leaving the room whenever there is a little misunderstanding or in some cases asks the man to use the couch.

They are giving room for the devil. No matter the weight of the quarrel couples should stick  together in one room. By so doing you will find out that none of them can sleep without talking to each other or even try to hold each other to sleep.
Women of my kind will purposely drop either a hand or leg so hard on the husband pretending to be under the influence of a good sleep and nightmares. So fuuny!
Sweet home is sweet but the one sweet home is the sweetest!.

Franca Igwilo.

MARRIAGE IS A CAREER.

             

 

MARRIAGE AS A CAREER:
Career as defined by the Oxford English dictionary is"a course of professional life or employment which affords opportunity for progress or advancement in the world.
According to this definition marriage certainly qualifies as a career.

Marriage is a serious business. Believe me,if people bears this in mind there would be fewer dissappointng marriages because no one can enter such sacred relationship but those bent on serious business.
If there is one career that demands prayerful consideration and careful preparation it is marriage.
The nature of man's career in marriage is primarily the permanent union for procreation and education of children, provision of home,support of his wife and offspring, constant vigilant care for the spiritual and temporal welfare of his household.
While the nature of a woman's career in marriage is basically bearing and education of children, insoluble union, homemaking and house keeping.
These as a matter of fact are not matters of choice but obligation.
A married man no matter how powerful he is as to rule an empire, or master of science, write immortal tommes and yet fails to fulfill the primary ends of his marriage career is a failure.
A married woman may have series of records for her contributions to medical and scientific researches, or works of art in the greatest museum or art galleries in the world,or had secured so many positions in the Parliament but fails in the primary ends of her marriage career is indeed a failure.
Her first duty is to be a wife, mother and a homemaker.
It is indeed becsuse of our failure to realise that marriage is a career that brought about series of tragedies and countless broken homes. People accept their jobs and businesses as career but fails to include marriage as the top-flight career.
If teaching is a high career, then where can you get the first and most important school if not in the home, and the most influential teachers, all mothers and fathers.
Nursing is a career but a mother's untaught hands can often heal and nurse with such an incomparable skill that can bring a weak life back to strength which a registered nurse or physician can not do.
If entertaining an audience from the stage, screan or over the radio is seen as a career, then creating joy and happiness in a home is equally a career.
Diplomacy is a career, yes, but where is diplomacy so necessary and so frequently required as in marriage? Indeed the keeping of a husband or wife for life demands more consummate diplomacy than anything else.
Having established the fact that marriage is a top-flight career, i will conclusively say that it requires some rules to govern it's success as in other careers.

Franca Igwilo.

A PERSONAL CHECK-UP FOR COUPLES.

HOW AM I DOING?
A personal check-up for couples!

It seems very easy to notice the faults of other people.As a person you may think you knew what is wrong with your spouse but finds it difficult to turn the camera on yourself and ask:"What is wrong with me? How am I doing?"
As  individuals we are noted for having regular physical check-ups of our eyes, ears and teeth. We don't hesitate to have a chest x-ray. Most of us are concerned about our bodies but sometimes neglect our behavior/character especially towards our spouses.
We are willing to plunge into other people's weaknesses but self analysis and soul searching are tough.
Let's not probe too deeply but you might want to ask yourself: How am I doing as a wife or as a husband?
Have you ever asked yourself :Do i really love him/her? If yes, why should i bear grudges for so long? Why should i hold on to a simple wrong done to me for so long?Why can't i forgive him or her at once or simply overlook certain wrongs.
Many men are thoughtless but some women allow petty things to upset them.
I've seen some cases where a husband sits on one side of the church and his wife on the other side. Both of them pray their hearts out for peace in the world, but they have not spoken to each other for over a week.
See if you are the cause or have contributed to all these problems either by nagging, neglecting or simply not accepting your fault.
Is Christ the center of my life and my home? As a wife do i still agree with God that Dad is the head of the home or do i try to rub shoulders with him? Do i often recall that my marriage lasts"until death do us part?"or do i intend to quit when the going gets tough?
As a wife have i tried to be a source of encouragement and inspiration to my husband or do i see his failures as an opportunity to critisize or mock him?
When it comes to personal cleanliness, have i tried to be neat in my appearance when my husband comes home from work Or do i prefer to always tie a wrapper on my chest with the smell of onions and all sorts of food spices?
As a man do i try to entice my wife by wearing sweet perfumes or do i prefer always to smell like a he goat with an unshaved armpit?
Always try and dress up for each other.Make yourselves lovable because a home is a place in which to live,love and relax.

By:Franca Igwilo.

A MOTHER OR A HOUSEKEEPER? FIND OUT WHAT YOU ARE!

MOTHER OR HOUSEKEEPER?
Strive to become a better mother than a housekeeper. Some have little time for the children, less time for the husband, but a lot of time for the house.

GIVE YOURSELF!
The approach to children that is used by some parents is to give them many gifts.
Notice the number of toys inside and outside of homes.
There is no law against giving toys. But do you know what is the most generous gift to give?It is yourself, your time, your attention.
Is there still an echo in the air of these words of yours to your child:" Honey do you want to turn on the TV?Or maybe you would rather go out and play. Some of your playmates are out there right now. But whatever you are going to do,get out of here and quit bothering me. I must finish this job."
It is very difficult to give yourself.

WHY?
A mother once cried,"My daughter is fifteen years old, I always watch her outside laughing and talking with her friends.Then when she comes inside hardly speaks to me."Why? This is not always the explanation but sometimes it is. When the child was four or five years of age, mother spent very little time with her.
Oh yes, she made sure that her daughter was always well dressed. She gave her everything she needed but didn't give herself.
Isn't it encouraging to see a father or mother playing with their pre-shool children?
Questions after questions are asked and answered. Some parents know the value of a close-knit family; others do not. This is the beginning of a bond that may hold them together even through the difficult teenage years.To be continued.....

By: Franca Igwilo.

THE FOUR MAJOR STEPS TO YOUTHFUL DISASTER!

FOUR STEPS TO YOUTHFUL DISASTER.
There are four major steps to youthful disaster:
Early dancing, Early dating, Early marriage, Early divorce.

The first approach to dating is dancing. Dancing as such may be all right but it's the first step to many problems.
As soon as children begin dancing together they are convinced that they are ready for dating.
Many Young marriages do not last because the couples are prepared only physically for marriage, but not financially, intellectually, emotionally or psychologically.
So youths and parents beware!.

By:Franca Igwilo.